Amman to Aqaba

I remember waking up to this day and really not feeling well but you just get up and go with it really. After a hearty breakfast we all went onto the bus and headed back to the syndicate where we had been the night before for a press conference with the people who were hosting us in Jordan. I think it was halfway through that I suddenly felt very cold and had to borrow Richard's jacket. After I remember going outside still with the jacket and then Richard came back with a blanket and I just sat on the steps wrapped around this blanket. I'm in Jordan, outside, with a blanket. Something wasn't very right. Sylvia went to try and find someone who could help and in a way it was lucky I was at the syndicate as there was a doctor. She prescribed some meds for me and I found out she is from Gaza and gave me her sister's details because she hasn't been able to see her for 15 years due to not being able to go back to Gaza since she left for Jordan. I couldn't imagine not being able to see my family for 1 month let alone 15 years!!! :( It really saddens me that I never got to see her sister to pass on the message as this doctor was so sweet and whatever she gave me really did help me tremendously. I am forever grateful! 

I then stayed in this room and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep whilst Faisal was making sure I was okay. I do remember waking up as this interview was being conducted in the room and it was another NGO in Jordan who were also doing a convoy to Gaza but they regretted that they couldn't join our convoy as all their arrangements to fly to Egypt had been done already and they would be leaving a week later. Never mind, maybe next time :) They were very nice and said sorry for being there but all was good and I felt much better after the nap. We then went and found the others who were having lunch. Oh yes I remember that lunch. Massive lunch and it was sooo good!!! If I'm not mistaken I have Faisal a piece of chicken because it was too much haha. Must ask him. Then we went outside to try and meet the people who were so great at hosting us but time was running out and we needed to make a move. We said our goodbyes and headed off to Aqaba with the Jordanian police escort. 

I think it was roughly 4 or 5 hours to get to Aqaba. We did one quick stop for a toilet break, magrib prayers and lots and lots of coffee hehe. I don't remember much of the trip as I am pretty sure I dosed off every now and then (really hopeless) but we got to this area where al the vans could park with no problem and then all got into the bus with as little as possible and headed to our accommodation. It was an apartment type so there were about 5 in each apartment. I'm pretty sure Faisal and I either had noodles for dinner or sandwiches. Either way it was a quick dinner before crashing to sleep to prepare for the very unexpected, long waiting game that was coming....

...till then :)

PS. Due to not being on my game that day (plus lack of pics on my fb, ill include a picture of the rocky mountains that surrounded us in Jordan :)

About time

There are two reasons why one should NOT procrastinate when it comes to blogs. One is that so much time has passed that you have to sit and really think about what went on the day you want to write about that happened...sheesh 4 months ago! With a memory like mine it is a very difficult task. Two is that I really wanted to attach photos to this post but unfortunately my poor computer got hit by lightning a couple of weeks ago and I've only just sent it to get fixed which will take another two weeks!! One becomes so lost without technology nowadays and everyone at home is getting edgy without the computer. So I now have to post today's post without pictures. Will put them up when my computer is fully recovered. In the meantime...

...in order to think about what I was going to write I have been reading a few of the old posts to get my mind back into the convoy mode. Really makes me miss everyone and the whole experience but it really saddens me due to the horrific events that are happening in Syria right now. It is so confusing to know what the truth is but I do know that looking at other countries who have other countries getting involved in their business have turned into nothing but destruction and chaos. I just pray for all the Syrians, especially those I met on my trip. The people I met were just amazing and so friendly, especially the couple who joined us and the wife became my flatmate for awhile in Jordan as her husband had to go back for work. I really do hope and pray they are okay.

Actually thinking about it, it is very hard to write this post without pictures. What I will write is that I was very good and woke up at 7am to help rearrange the aid that was delivered that night before and load them into the vans. There was a bit of confusion on what to put were but we sorted it out after a few hours. Quick breakfast, said goodbye to our hosts the Palestinian National Council and off we went to the border between Jordan and Syria. Thinking about our border crossings, this was the smoothest one we went through but I had the most traumatic public toilet experience that you could now take me to any public toilet and I will be able to handle it. It was that bad and I won't describe it here. And dad has been saying for years that the one thing he worries about is how am I going to handle the toilet situation hehe. Well dad, I did it! No need for the portable toilet at the back of the vehicle :p

Just had a thought....my Facebook pictures!!

Assessing how to load the medical aid...great Babaji :)

 Load it up boys!

I love this pic as it looks like Faz is directing Faisal on what to do

Carole assessing how many more boxes can fit inside...what would we do without Carole!

All lined up and waiting to go

Hello Jordan!

Yey for Facebook! Oh yes and I remember, we almost left two guys behind as we left straight on the dot whatever time it was we were supposed to leave and they were not there. Was funny seeing them running towards us. Taught us that if a time is set a time is set, whether you're there or not.

Going into Jordan was so different then all the countries we had passed. For one, all you could see was flat land with hardly anything around. I think at that point I had taken so many scenic pictures that I hardly took any of going into Jordan.

Flat and bare lands of Jordan

Thinking about it, that day was a long day. From getting up very early in the morning to driving through flat and bare land. Then we sat waiting by the side of the road just outside Amman for absolutely ages! When we got to this spot it was very hot and sunny. When we left, it was completely dark. What happened, we were told, is that we were waiting for the Jordanian police escort to escort us to the place we wanted to go. I don't know what took them so long but apparently it was a different area of Jordan hence we had to wait for that area police to arrive. Whatever it was it took ages and we all started to get hungry and edgy. Crisps, melted chocolate and sandwiches started coming out. The highlight was Faz finding a very tiny tortoise shown below. So cute!! Think the guys that were staying at the place we had pulled up too owned it. 

So after waiting a very long time for this police escort we finally made a move into Amman. Whatever way they took us really was going through real back ways of the city and I think I remember passing a KFC 3 times...and think it was the same one hahaha. Anywayz, we finally made it to our destination which was the Syndicate where doctors, lawyers, professors, engineers etc go too. These poor people had been waiting for us all day as they were hosting an event in support for the Palestinian Prisoners and some students were following the hunger strike for support. However because we arrived so late, most people had to leave and would be back the following day to see us. We did sit and talk with the students who were fasting and they had been going everyday since the hunger strikes had started. They told us about the prisoners who were on hunger strikes and all the ridiculous charges they had been sentenced. There is no justice into why they are in prison in the first place.

After a very long day we finally went to our apartments and I was feeling so ill at this point and just passed out. Next day was horrid for me but will explain it another time :)

Passing on the torch

Below is my very good friend Louisa Chong whom I am teaching how to use blogspot. She has a wonderful story to tell to everyone and I am introducing her to blogging to share to the world :D

Will post her link soon!

UPDATE!! Please follow her at louisachongsblog.blogspot.com :)

Time waits for no one

I really am a procrastinator. I can't believe I have been back 3 months now and I still haven't finished writing about the convoy, yet done anything else I had set myself to do either. Time keeps going on and it is up to us whether we keep up with it or stay stuck. It's about time I roll with it.

It kinda makes you sit back and think what have I been doing? I guess trying to find myself is something I have been trying to do. You come back from a huge trip like the convoy and really have to assess questions that linger at the back of your mind, for me probably from the voices of others and this isn't good as it is mostly the negative. Questions such as was it a good idea to go? Did I really achieve anything? Did I even help at all? Was it purely a selfish trip? Did I disappoint everyone? Those that supported me? Why was I so mistaken in my calculations and in huge debt now? Was I really that difficult? I could go on and explain the spiral I have taken myself on.

But then 2 things can happen that make you really shut that voice in your head. One was an email I got from CFTA, the NGO in Gaza that they were able to get the items that we passed on to wonderful Seba in Cairo to pass to them. These included the laptop, books and camera that were donated from MSRI and GBP500 that I had kept aside from the donations I had received since the vehicles is still stuck in Jordan. The money will be used towards children's activities and they had sent some pictures to show the NGO leaders with the items. Looking at them I cried. Something had been achieved. It wasn't exactly everything that I had pictured but when does life ever go according to one's plans? It was something as my friends always tell me. However small, it is something. I have to repeat this to myself every time the horrid voices start. I will admit though that it helped...but I was still struggling. Well still am struggling but I am getting there.

The next thing to happen was I turned 28 3 days ago. My birthday has been an event that has been hard for me to cope with ever since mum passed. The birthdays were always a goal she had achieved. Another year she had lived and she always made it into a big deal and no matter how sick she was or how hard up we were, we just HAD to celebrate. The first year she passed i didn't honour her tradition and memory and instead insisted to my family that I just wanted to get onto a plane and sleep through my birthday. Its been 6 years now since she passed on and I still feel like doing that. Sleeping through it so I don't feel her absence. How are you supposed to celebrate with your mum? But then, Jemma, you're not the only one that does it so just go with it. This is what I told myself when my birthday was coming up this year...and I'm grateful for those who are with me, my family and friends as they so kindly organised a surprise dinner party for me and it was so good though I had to say a very brief speech and not really say what I was really thinking for I would have cried. Well its my party and I could cry if I wanted too but perhaps I didn't want to cry and just remain as happy as one could be when they are fighting sadness. But what was really nice that day was some of the messages from friends even if they were thousands of miles away. They kept saying how I should be proud of what I have achieved. Proud? Me? Really? This was something I was struggling with. One whole year had passed and I felt I was worse then last year. But after that wonderful night had ended and I spent the next day reading touching messages, I had a thought. My gosh it has been one tough year. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm whining away but it has been.

Last year before my 27th birthday I felt like I was starting to sink. Then came the many doctors trying to treat my depression. Then the dramas in my life happened. Then the recovery process of finding people who tried to understand and help and finding the right doctor and therapist for me. Then my determination of going on the convoy and recovering from the drama and after effects of that. Bloody hell what a year. Now you just ask yourself this question...are you glad you went through it? For me, yes. As much as it has been so tough looking back and seeing yourself gradually falling then suddenly rolling to rock bottom and still trying to claw your way up, I'm glad I went through it. I guess people are right. I am strong or at least trying to be. Trying to not give up.

So I am going to end here by saying thank you and you know who your are. Without all of you I couldn't have gotten through what felt like hell or gone and done something that I have been dreaming too since I got into being an activist. Life really does suck....but its less sucky when you're not alone. And I know I'm not alone.

Thank you

My wonderful family...with mum's fav flowers

Fab friends who remind me to celebrate