Let there be rain!

Since I am stuck at a cafe due to the very heavy storm i thought why not use this time to post something. See, rain can't bring one down :)

I just want to thank everyone right now. Those that have donated, those that have given me words of encouragement, those that have kept me in their prayers, and most importantly these close people in my life who keep helping me up I'm down. It's like I'm running in a race and I'm almost at the end of the line but the end of the line still looks far and I keep tripping up. This handful of people keep lifting me up to keep on running and I really don't know how to say thank you enough. Just their belief in me and reminding me that whatever happens at least I tried and that effort is more important.

I have had my doubts, especially if I should be going on this journey. Whether it is the right thing for me to do. Of course I feel it is the right thing to be doing but ever since mum it's been hard for me to find validation from anyone else. I believe what they say but it's not coming from her. So it's hard when I get a message saying it's the wrong thing to do and that mum wouldn't approve. I know what I'm doing has risks and i know those that say this only mean well but it gets into my head and fills it with doubt that maybe it's true.

It was funny though because when I had this negative message, an hour later I had a positive one from a family friend who had given a generous contribution and just said how proud she is and how proud mum would be. My best mate says it's like it was a message from mum herself saying to keep at it. Don't give up. Do everything you can do just to see how far you get. I sometimes wish I had her strength because she kept pushing to see how far she could go, even when she was told she couldn't.

Perhaps for those who don't know me I'll tell you a little about my wonderful mum with incredible strength. Just after I was born, she was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. Her doctors said she had 6 months to live as it was spread everywhere that there was nothing left to do. They told her she needed to think who to leave me too because at that time my father had left us. She told me that when she went through the list of people, the only person she could really leave me to was herself. So she decided she wasn't just going to sit back and listen to the doctors, she was going to fight for as long as she can. After marrying a wonderful man who really is my true dad, having my fab younger sister, started 2 companies, she lived for an extra 21 years since that first diagnosis. Whatever she wanted to do, she tried her utmost best to do it. Even during the last year of her incredible life, she visited majority of the places she wanted to do and she saw the milestones she had set herself to see, such as my dads 40th birthday, my sisters 13th birthday, and my 21st birthday. Birthday were so important for her because she felt it was a milestone that she had gotten too. She passed away the month of my dads 41st birthday.

See how incredible she was! With me I need people around me to remind me to keep going. For her, she just fought. I wish I had that. I hope I can be like that one day.

So after the past few ups and downs of the last few days, I decided to keep going and not give up. So the registration and payment is done, my doctor has given me extra encouragement I need, the flights are bought. Now it's getting the vehicle and extra cash for along the way.

So please if you can, help me try and reach my target. and I promise I won't give up.

Never give up

A good friend of mine, Hamza, whom I met in Lebanon does these fantastic drawings and I wanted to share this particular one with you all today due the day I've had. Never give up, even when the odds are against you. What I'm trying to do is bigger then me. It's not just about my thesis but it's how I can help both as an humanitarian activist as well as an academic.

It's a new week. Time to start anew. Miracles are possible!
Have a good week ahead everyone!!

2 new NGOs to mention

Yesterday I went to digital mall to get a new desktop for the family. As sweet as it is, I'm going to talk about 2 charities that caught my eye.

One is the National Kidney Foundation Malaysia. If you can make a donation to them, their stall will be at digital mall till the end of the week. They really need the funding to help patients who need dialysis in order to survive. So if you can please come by their stall at the ground floor and donate what you can or you can visit www.nkf.org.my

Another charity that really caught my eye is a little fundraising and awareness campaign called the Pink Heart Campaign organized by Unilever and Guardian. They have united to Help Address Violence Against Women and Children. What caught my eye is that usually when you see something pink you think of the Breast Cancer campaign but this was pink hearts. So the campaign is if you buy any Unilever product, you can purchase a really nice charm, bracelet with pink and "diamond" hearts (and it's really pretty) for only RM2.90 or you can do what I do and just purchase the bracelet for RM9.90. For more info visit http://www.wao.org.my/news_details.php?nid=234&ntitle=Pink+Heart+Campaign:+Unilever+and+Guardian+Unite+to+Help+Address+Violence+Against+Women

(stay tuned. Picture of the charm bracelet will be up soon)

Funds raised thus far

Free
thermometers
to track your school
fundraisers


Thank you to Munira for yesterday's contribution!!

While I continue to find a better way to let you all know how the fundraising is going, this is what I can do thus far but do stay tuned :)

Thank you thus far

I just wanted to say a big thank you to these people who have contributed and gave me such confidence when I needed it in the beginning, near and far.

Kevin
Krista
Anissa
Line
Adam Attar
Bob and Barbara
Hajj

About the convoy

Here are some important dates for the convoy.

Dates to Remember

2nd Feb 2012 Registration Opens
7th April 2012 Registration Closes
15th April 2012 compulsory training day (date to be confirmed)
21st April 2012 All vehicles to be at the Storage Unit of VPA. All volunteers to attend for final sign off, paperwork checks, handing out of T-shirts and grouping of teams etc. This date is to be confirmed.
22nd The convoy leaves from London.

If you would like to know more info about the convoy or perhaps are even interested yourself in going, you can check out http://www.vivapalestinaarabia.org/registration/intro.html

See what happens :)

The 2nd reason

Its amazing how time goes by so fast and what happens during that time. Today i found out some news that is upsetting as when you put your trust into people, you expect that whatever you tell them remains between the people you do tell since it is your own personal business and shouldn't you be the one to tell people? So when I found out today that I have been the topic of conversation for some time now I know what I did wrong, and it was because I was too ashamed off what I was going through that hiding the information was, to me, the best thing to do. Turns out it isn't and I have always believed honesty is better because if you are not, people will start to twist things around. isnt that what Chinese whispers is?

So I am going to be honest with all of you, whomever is reading this, and its also linked to my second reason on why i started this blog.

For a few months now i have been battling with severe depression. Not only that but I only just got diagnosed by possibly having bipolar depression to be exact. Which made a lot of sense because i didnt understand why the usual medication used for people who are depressed were not working. i didnt understand why i seemed to be the odd one out, or as one of my doctors said 'thats so odd because it usually works for everyone else'. well geez doc but thanks for making me feel oh so special.

so its been a really rough ride and for a long time i didnt think there was a light at the end of the tunnel, or as some would say the light is actually a train coming towards you, which made me chuckle whilst reading one of the many self-help/depression/positive thinking/whatever you wanna name it book i have read these past few months to understand what was going on with me. it took me loosing friends, hitting rock bottom completely, being isolated from those you thought would never leave your side in order to find the correct help for me and this is why i am not angry or hurt by whatever people did to me because it led me to where i am now, which is alive and more positive and get-going then i have felt in a very long time.

i am not saying im fully cured as my therapist tells me its a long journey im going to go through but with the help of her wonderful self, plus a great doctor who finally correctly diagnosed me and the core people in my life who never left me when i thought i was alone, i will get better. ive been through a lot for those who actually, really, truly, know me. so this was just a bump in the road, that we all get but im so glad i can now understand how i can become, both the manic stage as its called and the depressive stage, which was what i was going through. and i repeat, WAS going through.

yes ok fine i will cry and today's news upset me of course for sure. but its not going to bring me down. its not going to break my spirits. because i know that whatever plan there is for me, He will lead me to it and take care of me along the way.

so this the second reason ive created this blog. its not only to raise awareness about something i have been so passionate about for years and hoping that i can now help by not just bringing aid but also on an academic level that i never thought i would be that person. but i believe i can be. so i will keep fighting to be that person.

so, in conclusion yes i have an illness. but im not insane, or mentally unstable or some have said, because if you ask those who have been with me from day one, whether its been all the time or whenever they can, they know there is a difference. and their belief in me helps me to believe in myself more. i believe now if i get all the funding i need i can go. but im a smart cookie. i know that i will ask my doctor, my therapist, my family, my friends, and myself, whether that when the time comes i can go on the convoy. if i get one no, i have back up plans which i have listed for myself due to the advice of a very good friend who thank God has such patience with me.

there are many ways i can help the people of Gaza through the convoy and gather the information for my thesis. i came up with 6 actually. so, for those who still believe and can donate, please do. i give you my word it will not be a waste. but for those who cant, just pray and think of me.

and for those who feel like they know what im talking about, my email inbox is always open. it is okay to tell people what you are going through. it helps you to find the true people in your life, the people who will help build you instead of bringing you down.

I will end with one of my favourite new quotes that was pointed out to me recently. at the end, we are all just human, trying to do our best, all the time....but its okay to have a break every now and then to re-boot.

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Pics

What I have been doing is attaching these pictures to the 1st post i have sent to people but thought it would be better if these pics were in a post on their own. 

 

Children from one of the camps i visited in South Lebanon

Group photo of fellow activists and friends at a memorial site dedicated to those who had been killed by Israeli snipers during a peaceful demonstration at the border to create awareness about the Nakba. The youngest was an 8 year old. 

Children at the camp in South Lebanon. You can see their living conditions in the background

Broadway Bites - a must see

Ok so my 2nd post should be about the second reason why I started this blog but since I'm short of time at the moment and I just saw a FAB musical that also is helping an NGO, it ties in with my theme.

So for all those in KL who have stumbled upon my blog, you must go see the musical Broadway Bites which is held at DBKL auditorium. I'm actually sad I only just saw it today as tonight and tomorrow afternoon are the last shows but if you can catch it please do. Its worth watching (and I'm not just saying this because a friend is in it). I've been quite down this week due to sad news of my employers letting me go out of the blue but I've been strong and positive about it since the news broke. Yesterday I finally broke. I couldn't pretend anymore. But seeing this musical has really lifted my spirits today and feeling a little alive again.

So yes if one can do go. Plus it goes to a good cause. An NGO named Projek Hati Nurani, which helps to provide education for children in hospitals due to their illness.

For more info go to Ticket2u.biz. I hope ull be able to go, shake your groove thing as you can't stop the beat!!

My journey to help others as well as myself

I've started this blog for two reasons.

One is to explain this new journey I'm embarking on to try and help people, specifically the Palestinian people and to be more specific, the people of Gaza. Since the attack on Gaza in 2008/2009 I was awaken to this tradegy that has been put onto these people for way too long. I was ignorant that this problem was even occurring. So I decided during new years eve that I wanted to do something to help these people, even if it was something small such as telling everyone I knew about their story.

So in 2009 one of my good friends gave me a leaflet describing an NGO named COMPLETE, a coalition of over 50 NGOs that joined together to create awareness and to help the Palestinian cause. Now named Viva Palestinian Malaysia, I had been working for VPM since. Although its been a part-time job due to also being a full-time masters student in political science its been one the most rewarding things I've ever done in my life and I love it. Besides learning things I never thought I would ever do, VPM has taken me to Lebanon not once but twice where I had the privilege of meeting Palestinian refugees who were not only forced into these camps with no where else to go but have had 3 or 4 generations of their family born and raised in these camps. There are no words to describe these camps and the living situations are so dire and have been living there for far too long. What touched me though was when walking through the camps the children would walk besides you with big smiles on their faces wanting you to take photos of them and the grand-mothers stopped you just to shake your hand and say thank you. Just someone from the outside community who wanted to know their story was enough to keep this spirit of wanting to fight on going.

My trips to Lebanon are unforgettable but this will be said in another posting one day :) Right now I have another area I want to focus on.

During the attack on Gaza I saw on live news what was going on, it tore me up inside that I couldn't do anything. So when I joined VPM I felt it was a small contribution in helping to re-build the lives of these people. Thus far, VPM has raised money for several projects in Gaza to help to create jobs for the people, which includes building a rehabilitation centre for women. We have also just raised money in order to build the much needed 11 schools in Gaza as well as sending medical and humanitarian aid during the convoy in 2010.

I am now working on embarking on a new phase of my journey to help not only one of my wishes come true but it also ties into the final stage of my masters programme.

There is going to be another land convoy leaving for Gaza from London in mid-April and we hope to raise enough money to purchase a specific vehicle the Gazan people have asked for such as a mini-bus plus fill it up with aid such as educational items needed for the schools that will be built soon. The reason I am asking you all for help is because I want to be the one who delivers it. I feel my time to go has come. I want to go and see exactly what is going on with my own eyes so I can educate the people not just with facts I read but by what I've seen with my own eyes. I want to finally meet the people I've spoken to online and tell them face-to-face I did not forget them. After all the work I've done at VPM, I want to see just how I've helped, as small as it is.

So I'm asking anyone who can make a donation of any amount to please contact me. To purchase one vehicle full of aid will roughly cost RM50,000. Even if this amount is not met, whatever is raised I will still be able to give the donations to the Gazans and carry on with my thesis as best as I can. It would just be an honour if I could raise enough for 1 vehicle so I could drive into Gaza knowing it was due to the love and support from all of you that made one of my dreams come true. I know times are hard so even your prayers and thoughts during the journey would be just as wonderful for me :)

For my studies, my final thesis is based on the convoys to Gaza and my supervisor has stated that if I am able to go, it will provide better results due to being able to have the first hand experience of going on the convoy. Therefore this is not just one of my dreams being fulfilled but will also help me tremendously in hopefully publishing my thesis.

For anyone who can help, here are the details:-

Name: Jemaimah Mustapha

Bank: Standard Chartered Bank

Account number: 312-1-5704123-7

Since this is already a long post for a 1st post my second reason will be explained soon, after some much needed rest :)

Thanks to anyone who reads this.

Luv Jems :)