Questioning the faith in oneself

Today has been an odd day. okay when i say odd i mean not great. Prob out of 10 ill give it a 3. Today i started questioning the faith I have for this whole project. The faith i have in myself really. Its diminishing to be honest. I want to believe that whatever happens will happen because it is meant too. I am holding onto that belief for dear life because if i feel I'm loosing it, today would have been worse. Its hard to block out the negativity you have from people on something before you've even tried. I would say I am proud of myself for blocking it enough to even have started this blog for one and started my campaigning but on the other hand those voices, they are hard to keep pushing out. So today happened, my faith went whoop.

But then something happened just an hour ago. My belief in a friend of mine suddenly dropped due to a story he was telling. My whole belief system in him was truly shaken because it was unexpected that I would even hear what he said to me tonight to ever be heard. and yes i became judgmental and disappointed and just....shaken.

But then as i was going home i thought about it even more. why was i letting myself be shaken by this news. he was the same person, although i admit a little careless. but he was still the same friend who in the middle of the night after a long day of work knew I was having a bad day and still surprised me and kept me company at a mamak just so i could shuffle in a few laughs out of this day....well not a few, i laughed LOADS! and it helped. so he was still the same person with just this minor flaw and don't friends over-look the flaws we have in each other? so when i came back home i called him up to apologise for my behaviour and that he is still the same in my eyes, still that fab friend with just this little new flaw but still the same. henceforth my faith in him is still the same as it ever was.

I then started explaining the lack of faith im having in myself, and as the great friend he is says "at least you are trying". He didn't need to say 'I have faith in you' or anything like that, it was just that I'm trying. At least I'm trying. Because if you don't try you never know right?

So I must remember that if my faith gets a little shaken, its okay because I'm still the same person and best of all, I'm trying.